Yesterday, my world shook something fierce and I just cried. The nurse from my primary clinic called to let me know that my doctor was referring me to a specialist in the OB/GYN department at the hospital and volunteered the information that there were several cysts and "something" on my cervix. I was expecting cysts and to be dealing with possible ruptures. Since being diagnosed with PCOS I have not had any serious health issues from it, but something on my cervix?!
You know how the proverbial "they" always tell you not to google your symptoms? Don't look to Web MD because the answer is always cancer? I avoided Google until yesterday. I am already dramatic as it is and I will tell you this: when the nurse calls you and says there is "something" on your cervix, DO NOT GOOGLE THAT SHIT. The minute she spoke those words my mind already went to the worst place, but then I googled...
|Gynecological cancer infographic from Ovacome found while Googling.|
MAY NINETEENTH. THREE WEEKS. That's the soonest I could get in. I get it, I really do. Everybody and their cousin on Okinawa is pregnant- I'm not just making that up- they call it the "two baby tour!" I get that the one OB/GYN department on the island would be busy, however: THERE IS SOMETHING ON MY CERVIX AND I HAVE TO WAIT THREE WEEKS? I'm not above taking drastic measures to get my way, but I began crying in all sincerity when she said that date.
I've had these symptoms since November, getting gradually worse over time, I've been dealing with daily nausea and pain for a week or two now, and then a nurse tells me there is something on my cervix and I have to wait three weeks? I humbly (in my opinion) mentioned through my tears what the nurse had told me, and asked if there was seriously nothing before May 19th. I then apologized profusely. I also got an earlier appointment, for next week.
|Print from Art by Erin Leigh on Etsy|
I know cancer does not have to be a death sentence. I am proud to know some kick ass women who have battled and beaten it. I am always open with my readers though, and so I will share how I'm really feeling: Everything inside of me is screaming that I don't want to be "cancer girl!" That I don't want to have to fight. That I want everything to be ok when I go to OB/GYN. That I don't want people feeling sorry for me. That I don't want to have to write about a journey through diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. That I don't want every sign telling me to worry being right. I don't want any part of it.
I'll be sure to keep you all updated and can't thank you enough for your thoughts, well wishes, and prayers! The one big lesson I have learned regardless of the outcome is to listen to your body, demand to be seen, demand tests to be run, don't be afraid that it's all in your head, because I was- I didn't want to go to the doctor and put people out over nothing, but I am certainly glad now that I did.
Take care of yourself.
Listen to your body.
Be well, friends.