Let's Have A Look Under The Hood

Today was my least favorite day of the year. That glorious day in every woman's year- the well woman check up. Mine is made even more glorious because my Doctor is an inappropriate douchebox, but we'll get to that later. Today was the day where I got to go sit butt nekked with a tiny little gown covering me in a freezing cold Doctor's Office and show my goodies.

At least they have humor?

With PCOS I am in the Dr.'s office more than my once a year for check-ups on this, that, and the other and Dr. Douche always makes it an entertaining visit. Last time I was there to ask about a medication I was on and we somehow got on topic about how his children were in a Holiday pageant where they couldn't sing Christmas music. Yep- because that has everything to do with my vagina.

Today friends, today takes the cake.

There I am in my little gown (which luckily he lets you wear with the opening in the back so that you're not grasping onto it for dear life in the front!) and he's making small talk about things that should be in my chart. Have I ever been pregnant? Is that by choice? Do I want to get pregnant? I'm sorry, Doc: I thought you knew I was here to hopefully one day get pregnant. So I let him know about how long I've actually gotten to spend time with my husband and that we obviously are looking at down the line- you know, when he's actually around. *So my Doctor knows Gene is deployed.*

As I lay down on the table for my breast exam he asks where Gene is and I tell him. DO YOU WANT TO GUESS WHAT CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH? Humor me... take a wild guess? As I am laying there with the upper portion of my body on full display like a breast buffet Dr, Douche has the audacity to say: "Gosh, ya know, we really just need to get out of there. It's getting bad over there, huh?" Oh friends- he is squishing my ( . )( . ) and talking politics at the same time... while my husband is deployed.

Now I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon of "Things Not To Tell A Milspouse..." BUT this one MUST take the cake (if for no other reason than the vulnerable state I was in). I mean- he went on a full blown tangent (while I'm all nakey nakey with my full back exposed lucky that little gown covers any parts of me) about how the Koran isn't a Koran if you're using it to pass notes and why does nobody care about the soldiers lost, but they care so much about a book.

MY OPINION IS NOT IMPORTANT. I am not educated enough on the event because I don't generally watch the news during deployment. His opinion was definitely not appreciated in the circumstances though- I'll tell ya that! Oh Lord, it was another interesting appointment with Dr. Douche today. I'm still trying to figure out how to discuss what all happened (pertaining to my actual body and the future of our family) so look for a post about that coming up.

For now- just delight in my idiot Doc and the inappropriate situations I find myself in when I'm there.

Cheers!

Elizabeth