Our TTC Journey

When writing about the incredibly awful bedside manner of my Gyno- a.k.a.: Dr. Douche, I didn't go into much more detail about the roller coaster that appointment would send me into. I have debated writing about this facet of our love story, our marriage, our future... While this isn't a blog focused on that aspect of our lives- it is a blog about my life and marriage. So here goes nothing.

Because yes, I enjoy sharing awkward and personal moments in my life

Gene and I are not actively trying to conceive (TTC). He has been deployed more than he has been home. That is hardly the right circumstances for us to start a family in (for us). Add to the timing of the Navy you have the rebellion of my ovaries and uterus. We know we will struggle to concieve and we are taking actions now to help down the road, when we are ready.

Cut to December. I am on a birth control regimen to regulate my cycle- as I lived my teen years with very few periods. This past December there was a mix-up at the pharmacy and I missed a week of my pills. The pharmacist told us to take caution, but of course we didn't- we just figured when the time is right God will bless us with a child. With PCOS thrown into the mix we just kind of knew January wasn't that time.

While at my appointment there was an issue with my urine sample. Let's just say- I didn't have to go. I tried my hardest and got the smallest amount into the flimsiest cup I've ever seen. I went to put the lid on it and spilled it everywhere. Well, on the floor- not on me. There were a few drops left. I'm talking 1/8 of an inch few drops. The nurse said it was enough.

While sitting there buck nekked I overheard the nurse and Dr. D talking about a urine sample and she asked him if she should get another one. He said no and then knocked on my door. Oh gosh- was something wrong with mine? Do you know the first question out of his mouth? "Have you ever been pregnant?" Um, hello Doc- I think I've been here 4-5 times in the last year because my womb hates me, thanks for over viewing my chart before you stepped in the room!

I told him about my last period only lasting three days and Dr. D warned me if I missed my next period to call him. After our pre-deployment lovin' there could be a slight chance I would be about 7 weeks pregnant. Well- I didn't really think anything of it. In my ignorant mind since he was checking under the hood he would have seen something to let him know I was pregnant... right? Oh, wrong? You mean, there wouldn't be something he could see up in there?

I came home and was talking to Nan about it and this panic set in. What if I was? Gene would miss EVERYTHING! From finding out to delivering- he would miss it all! I began sitting there thinking about all the "symptoms of pregnancy" I'd been having. I was really thirsty... but I had started spin too and working out more. I was peeing more... but I was drinking more water. I was tired all the time, but I was working out more. I was overly emotional for no reason, but my husband was deployed and that was reason enough. I was beginning to be awfully forgetful, but my mind was in a million places.

I had a reasonable explanation for all of it. I had to wait until I got (or didn't get my period) to know for sure? That would kill me! My overactive imagination immediately went into how I would tell Gene. What cute things could I send him in a baby care package? Would he be hurt that he would miss it? Could I do it without him? A million things ran through my head as I just sat here and cried.

So the this morning I awkwardly called the Dr. and asked to talk to the nurse. She was out so I left a message and when she called back I fumbled through asking her if there was anything suspicious with my sample. I explained the anxiety I was having and she had me come in for a pregnancy test. I am relieved to say we are not currently pregnant.

I never thought I would say that. I never thought I would have a spark of relief with such news, but my heart just broke that I would not share this with my husband. I blame Dr. D for his awkwardness about pregnancy in general and kind of working me up over nothing. I do however like his treatment plan for our TTC journey. Don't worry- you won't have to hear any more about it until this summer.

The worst part was I couldn't come home and lean on my husband's shoulders for this one. This HUGE thing and he wasn't here to calm me down- and I didn't even tell him about it. What could he do from a billion miles away?

We did get to have the AWKWARD conversation via iMessage about our next steps though. It seems my well woman visits come during every deployment and we rely on e-mail for these discussions. If you made it through all of this banter- go ahead and treat yourself to a thin mint :D

Cheers!

Elizabeth